Gellin' With The Taz

It wouldn't be difficult to believe that's a photo of a delicious new drink, perfect for a hot summer afternoon on the patio or maybe for Sunday brunch instead of the usual Mimosa.

It's not.

Okay. Maybe it's a new Margarita-flavored Jello?

Nope. Not that, either.

What it is, is just about the most amazing thang I've seen in a long time. Imagine a tablespoon of little bitty crystals no bigger than the crystals of sea salt you get in the grinder bottle from Trader Joe's. In fact, that's exactly what they look like so I'd better make sure the packet is stored in a well-labeled container. I'd hate for anyone to mistakenly sprinkle them on their eggs and swallow them. They're not at all toxic but moisture does something else entirely to the little rascals.

What you do is, you put 'em in a big bowl and pour in a couple of quarts of water. Come back in a couple of hours and shake your head in utter disbelief because now the bowl is filled with what looks like rough chunks of ice and feels like gelatin. And there's no water left.

There might have been if I'd added the three quarts of water the instructions said to use, explaining that I should drain off the excess after two hours. But I didn't really believe those itty bitty granules were going to even soak up the two quarts, never mind the three. Oh ye of little faith! Now do you see why I wouldn't want anyone to swallow them? Zowie! Needless to say, the manufacturers stress you should never put them down your plumbing. House or personal.

So what am I gonna do with them? Well, for starters, house plants. These magical little crystals have been around for quite awhile, actually. You've probably heard of them before. Maybe some of you have used them. To over-simplify, they're highly absorbent polymer crystals. There are different formulations for different purposes, I understand. For me, it will be the plants first and some fun crafty stuff later.

For instance, some plants can be grown in a container with nothing but the hydrated crystals. The roots can access the moisture they need as they need it. You can include fertilizer in the water when you hydrate the crystals so the plants get that, too. Think of them as chunky little water reservoirs. As they give up their load of moisture, they begin to shrink back to the original size. Just add more water and they plump up again.

Another way to use them is to mix the hydrated crystals in with the potting soil. Not only do you not have to water as often, the expansion and contraction of the crystals keeps the soil aerated. At least, that's what they claim. We'll see. I've got all kinds of plant experiments lined up. For instance, in one small pot full of just the chunks of gel, I'm hoping to start a chunk of ginger. That may or may not take no matter how I do it so I figured, whuddahey. I've also got some assorted seeds about to germinate in those little expanding peat disc-thingies and I'm thinking to insert them in either straight gel or mixed dirt and gel once the seedlings have a little muscle to them.

The big thing I did today, though, was to repot The Taz. I haven't introduced you yet, mainly because I just met ol' Taz my own self. I was over at the feed store to pick up a bag of chow for Ralph and wandered around in the outside plant section while I was waiting. Sitting in a corner looking bedraggled and forlorn was a pot labeled Tasmania Vine-pink, or Billardiera longiflora. It had a few small pink berries on it and lots of dead vines poking out but it was valiantly trying to maintain. "Take me," it whimpered. "Please give me a home."

Well. How could I turn my back on such a pitiful plea? Taz came home with me and the cat chow and I spent an hour at the dining table, carefully clipping away the dead stuff. Then I said, "Brace yourself, Taz. I'll try to be gentle with you." Before he could object, I ruthlessly yarded him out of his pot. It was as I expected -- the poor guy was totally rootbound.

Not any more. I got his roots all worked out loose and mixed the soil with a generous helping of the gel crystals and repotted him in a nice new home. Re-tied him to his bamboo pole with some strips of sexy black panty hose and set him in the window. You know, I think he's already looking much happier. At least, that's what I tell myself. Just in case, I'm going to try to start some seeds from one of his berries, which is supposed to be easy when the berries are fresh.

I hope he makes it, though. Come spring, he's supposed to put out fragrant yellow blossoms which will turn into edible berries in late summer and early fall. Some sources say the berries taste mildly apple-like but the implication is that it's nothing to get excited about. One fellow said the berries are good fried, though. Hmmm ... Anyway, that's how the plant gets one of its names -- appleberry vine.

I won't do a full-body shot until he's looking less bedraggled but below is a closeup shot of one of his berries. They're not very big -- the largest is no bigger than a cranberry. Maybe he'll be feeling good enough next season to produce bigger ones. We'll see.