Soon t'will be the season to be jolly and stuff our faces with all kinds of divinely inspired culinary delights. The holidays just wouldn't be the holidays without Mom's famous stuffing or Dad's deep-fried turkey, Aunt Bee's marshmallow yams, or ... yes, you guessed it ... Mae Ella's Never-Fail Blackberry Cobbler.

Ingredients: Blackberries (enough to fill the pan; this assumes you have thought about it in advance and know what size pan to use), sugar, one box Bisquick mix, two bottles of your favorite wine, one black turtleneck sweater and a pair of black slacks. Friends and family to taste.

Don the black clothing. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sprinkle sugar into the blackberries. How much? I dunno, just eyeball it. Mae Ella says how sweet do you want those blackberries? Sprinkle 'em until they look good. Stir well and let sit. Open first bottle of wine and pour a glassful.

Now turn your attention to preparing the dough mixture. The first rule of cobbler dough preparation is always, "Ignore the instructions on the box." They're too easy. Dump three-fourths of the box of Bisquick mix into a large bowl. Add water until it looks good. Stir. If you have accurately guessed the water quantity, the mixture will be a little too wet and won't really look like dough. This is good. Refill your wine glass.

Take the second bottle of wine (the one that is still unopened) and coat it with butter or margarine. Okay, you can use fat-free cooking spray. Fling some of the leftover dry Bisquick mix onto the coated wine bottle. Voila! You have an ecologically-safe rolling pin. (No trees have to die for this cobbler.)

Dump the too-wet dough mixture onto wax paper or a large cutting board. Chunk a handful of the leftover dry Bisquick mix on top of the dough mixture and roll it out using the coated winebottle. As you roll the dough you will need to keep adding a little extra Bisquick mix from time to time. You will also need to keep adding dry Bisquick mix to the winebottle to keep it from sticking to the dough. Repeat these procedures until the dough reaches a consistency similar to what you think pie crust should have. By this time it should also be somewhat flat. Pour glasses of wine for all your friends who are anxiously awaiting the results of your wizardry.

Place a layer of rolled dough in the bottom of the chosen pan. Add blackberries. Then top it off with another layer of dough. Push up the sleeves on your turtleneck. Now, your blackberry cobbler is ready for the oven! Bake for about one hour, or however long it says on the box. (It's okay to refer to the box for cooking times.) Pop the cork on your rolling pin, top off everyone's glass, and set the oven timer. If you have successfully covered yourself with flour, someone will impulsively insist on cleaning the kitchen while you change clothes. Mae Ella says it's a Never-Fail recipe.