I am powerless before you.

When you call, I must answer.

And yet you recede from me at will, drawing back, stepping aside, whirling around me in a slow and sensuous dance that has no end. It has always been that way.

From the first moment of life I was unable to function without you. I needed you so desperately, longed for you, ached for you. A dream of you coursed through my veins. One day you would realize I was worthy, and you would call. One day.

Thinking of you now, I remember the sleepless nights I waited for you when I thought waiting was the answer. I think of the miles I traveled searching for you, convinced that action was my course. Every highway, every byway, every nook and cranny of the universe deserved my scrutiny. Some day, I said. Some day.

I thought I found you at the river once. For a moment there, as I invoked your name to the stars, I could have sworn that you appeared and sat on the log beside me. We talked and laughed and I opened my heart to you. Then you stoked the fire and disappeared into the darkness. Next morning, I was not so sure.

I have seen you in the mean streets, caught glimpses of you at the fair. Once we met in a deserted alleyway and stopped to speak. I dropped my eyes, only for a second, but when I raised them you had turned to leave. I watched you walk away from me. You never looked back.

On a steamy summer's night you knocked at my door and offered to mow my back yard. It was about two feet high in Johnson grass. I asked you to sculpt it instead. Will you inscribe it with a kite and a lightning bolt?, I asked. You did a beautiful job. You stayed for a few days and then moved on.

I ran across you in a magnificent wood. You let me walk with you for a way. We did not talk. We slipped down the path as shadows, disturbing nothing. Suddenly at a fork in the trail I was again a solitary wanderer. You were gone, and I never had a chance to tell you how much I enjoyed that time with you. I wanted you to know how lovely it had been to share the silence.

Now I have come all this way alone and find myself face to face with you again. What shall it be this time? I move toward you, and you move away. I step back and you advance. We mirror each other. We are dancers, each half of a whole instinctively doing the opposite of the other.

Your name has been both a blessing and a curse upon my lips. It is the last word I whisper before I go to sleep at night and the first to receive life in the morning. I bow to the image of you that owns my heart. And yet somehow I sense that I will advance all the way to the end of my life and still I will not know you.

Something just tells me that in those final moments, I shall look back over my days on this earth, in this plane, on this cosmic wavelength, and I will understand, at last, the reason you have always eluded me.

Love, it is a day I look forward to with relish.