Cinderella is finally going to the ball.

In the eleven years that I have worked for Muthah I have never attended one of her holiday socials. Everybody gets all gussied up in their fanciest duds to dance and dine at some romantic spot. Sounds like fun, huh?

The first four years I worked for Muthah I was married to Lightnin, and there is not a more anti-social human on the face of the Earth than him. Get dressed up and go dancing? You might as well cut off both his arms. String him up from the yardarm. Strap him to the rack.

After Lightnin went out on loan, I missed attending the ball for the next six years because there was not a Prince Charming in sight. Not one. And who wants to go to the ball alone? What fun is it to sit there all gussied up, spit-shining yer glass slippers, watching everybody dance with the one they brung?

This year, however, is a different story. Prince Charming has made his appearance on the scene. He is imminently qualified, to-wit:

1. He is male
2. He is breathing
3. He likes to dance

He also knows how to have a good time and is pretty much open to anything. Won't have to worry about embarrassing him or anything like that, should the Sant'gria flow a little too freely. He's a good sport. That's important.

As soon as I realized that I, Youngblood, was actually going to the ball this year; as soon as my head stopped spinning, I mean, it occurred to me that of course, I have nothing to wear! Not since my early days as a Secret Agent have I needed a semi-formal getup. Whatever will I do?

The answer appeared in the form of two ... count 'em, *TWO* fairy godmothers.

Fairy Godmother #1 zapped me into this killer black velvet dress that is VERY BARE across the neck and shoulders. As soon as she waved that magick wand I felt like the water level had just receded in the bathtub.

"How do you like it?", she asked.

"Oh, it's beautiful, Fairy Godmother, it's breathtaking. But, but ... but I feel so NAKED!"

"You look great half-naked," she said. "Get over it."

Fairy Godmother #2 appeared immediately thereafter, crowning the ensemble with a dynamite black velvet evening jacket accented with tiny white beading.

Look out, World.

The ball ain't never gonna be the same again.